Collective Minds: October 2011

Poems

When Sarah Surfs the Internet

When Sarah surfs the Internet

she starts by checking mail.

She answers all her messages

from friends in great detail.

She plays a game, or maybe two,

and watches a cartoon,

then chats with kids in places

like Rwanda and Rangoon.

She reads about her favorite bands.

She buys an MP3.

She downloads movie trailers

and she looks for stuff for free.

She reads about celebrities

and dreams of wealth and fame,

then watches music videos

and plays another game.

If you should say, "Your time is up.

I need to use the Net,"

she always whines, "I haven't got

my homework finished yet!"

--Kenn Nesbitt

My Pet Germs

I have a half a billion germs

I keep as tiny pets.

They're cute and clean and never mean

And give me no regrets.

They spend all day engaged in play

upon my skin and hair.

They're on my clothes, between my toes

and in my underwear.

They dance and shout and bounce about.

They run and jump and slide.

My epidermis teems with germs

who party on my hide.

I never fret about the pets

inside my shirt and socks.

I love them there but wonder where

they keep their litter box?

--Kenn Nesbitt

Today I Had a Problem

Today I had a problem

when I tried to make my bed.

My blankets and my comforter

got wrapped around my head.

I went to fluff the pillows

but the pillow cover tore,

and feathers flew all over

as I stumbled round the floor.

I accidentally grabbed the sheets

and pulled them as I fell.

I have to say, it seems

my day's not starting off too well.

I tripped upon a pillowcase

and landed in a heap.

Good grief! That's it! I'm staying here

and going back to sleep!

--Kenn Nesbitt

Digging for Diamonds

I'm digging for diamonds.

I'm digging for gold.

I'm digging for silver

that's shiny and cold.

I'm digging all day and

I'm digging all night.

I'm digging for rubies

all sparkling and bright.

I plan to get famous.

I plan to get rich

by digging up gemstones

in ditch after ditch.

And yet, from these ditches

I've dug in the ground,

there weren't any diamonds

or coins to be found.

I haven't got silver

or rubies, you see...

I just have my mom and dad

yelling at me.

For though I found nothing

from digging till dawn,

my parents found holes

where we once had a lawn.

--Kenn Nesbitt

My Goldfish Took up Tennis

My goldfish took up tennis.

They installed a little net

at the bottom of their fish tank

for their first official set.

They got tennis balls and racquets.

They got tennis shoes and shorts,

for my fish are fond of tennis

more than any other sports.

It's a funny thing to watch them.

when they practice every day,

as the tennis balls they serve each other they flow away.

I Thought it Was a Basketball

I thought it was a basketball.

Instead it was a globe.

What should have been a scooter

was pajamas and a robe.

The box I thought had race cars

or a new computer game,

turned out to be a sweater

and an empty picture frame.

The drum set that I asked you for

turned out to be a desk,

and all the other gifts I got

were equally grotesque.

So when you're finished with your rounds

if you have time enough,

dear Santa, please come back;

you gave me someone else's stuff!

--Linda Knaus and Kenn Nesbitt

Posted by Aamina Usmani and Yusra Shaikh

Visiting their grandmother's house, two young boys were saying their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy started loudly shouting his prayers: 'God, please send me a new bike ... !'
'Why are you shouting your prayers?' his older brother asked. 'God isn't deaf.'
'No, but Grandma almost is!' the little brother answered.

Grandma: You've left all your sandwiches, Mannu. When I was your age I ate every one.
Mannu: Do you still like sandwiches, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Mannu: Well, you can have mine.

I'm confused,' the little boy admitted to his
teacher. 'I went to church last Sunday and they kept telling me to stand up for Jesus!
But then I went to the ballgame, and everyone kept
yelling, 'For Christ's sake, sit down!''

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. 'How many of you,' he asked, 'would say you're opposed to war?'
Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, 'Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?'
A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand.
'Johnny?' the teacher said.
'I hate war,' Johnny said, 'because wars make history, and I hate History

What part of a football pitch smells nicest ?
The scenter spot !

Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space ?
Because there is no atmosphere !

What's the chilliest ground in the premiership ?
Cold Trafford !

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle ?
Somebody took a corner !

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply ?
Paul gas coin !

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ?
Ince pies !

What does a footballer and a magician have in common ?
Both do hat tricks !

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar ?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump !

Why are football players never asked for dinner ?
Because they're always dribbling !

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ?
Because he liked sole music !

What tea do footballers drink ?
Penaltea !

Where do footballers dance ?
At a football !

What did the bumble bee striker say ?
Hive scored !

What is black and white and black and white and black and white ?
A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill !

What are Brazilian fans called ?
Brazil nuts !

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch ?
He was the skipper !

What lights up a football stadium ?
A football match !

If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls ?
Cornflakes !

Which football team loves ice-cream ?
Aston Vanilla !

What is a goal keepers favourite snack ?
Beans on post !

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."