There was a truck driver going the wrong way on the road and there was a policeman watching him. Why didn't he stop him?
Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel
Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
If you are doing a discussion about space, then students will like this one.
Q: What is the differnce between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)
Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.
Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.
Q. What's a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.
Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!
Re-worded by another teacher.
Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)
Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !
Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?
A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.
Q: Why do cows have bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
This one may be difficult for some ESL students since it requires knowing the words "seagul", "bay" and "bagel"
Q: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn't even know sheep could knit!
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!
Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.
Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.
Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.
Q. What did the ghost teacher say to his class?
A. "Look at the board and I'll go through it again!"
Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.
Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!
Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!
Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).
Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!
Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!
Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!
Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got problems."
Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"
Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.
Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.
Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!
Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.
Posted by:Muhammad Osama and Musab Rasheed
A. The truck driver was walking!
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. What kind of teeth does a deer have?
A. Buck Teeth!
Q. What does a plum and an elephant have in common?
A. They're both purple.
What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.
A: Lunch and supper.
Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.
A: A clock.
Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.
A: A bottle.
Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?
A: Ohio.
A: Ohio.
Q: How many people are buried in that cemetery?
A: All of them.
A: All of them.
Q: What can't be used until it's broken?
A: An egg.
A: An egg.
Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper
Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
In the alphabet...
A: A newspaper
Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
In the alphabet...
Q: Which is the most self-centered letter of the alphabet?
A: "i" (I)
A: "i" (I)
Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
"y" (Why?")
"y" (Why?")
Q: Which letter is not me?
A: U.
A: U.
Q: What letter can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?
A: W (Double u- Double you)
A: W (Double u- Double you)
Q: Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole?
A: Because every direction is south.
A: Because every direction is south.
Q: Why is the A like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
A: Because the B is after it.
Q:Why is the letter "A" like noon?
Because it's in the middle of the day.
Because it's in the middle of the day.
Q: "What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"
A: "The C"
A: "The C"
Q: "What letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?"
A: "The Q. (queue)
A: "The Q. (queue)
Q: What has two heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?
A: A horse and its rider.
A: A horse and its rider.
Q: What is as big as a horse but doesn't weigh anything?
A: The horse's shadow.
A: The horse's shadow.
Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.
A: A teapot.
Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: Which letters do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
A: A mushroom.
Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel
Q: A man rode into town on Tuesday. Two days later he rode home on Tuesday. How is this possible?
A: His horse's name is Tuesday.
A: His horse's name is Tuesday.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)
A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)
Q: A father and his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can't do surgery on him, because he's my son. Who was the doctor?
A: The doctor was his mother.
A: The doctor was his mother.
It's an old riddle that is more difficult in some countries than in others.
Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
Q: How far can a dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
Q: What do you call a bear without an "ear"?
A: BBBBBBB
A: BBBBBBB
Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
A: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
If you are doing a discussion about space, then students will like this one.
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
A: To find Pluto.
A: To find Pluto.
Q: What is the differnce between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)
Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos
It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)
A: Carlos
It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)
Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.
This riddle may be used when teaching a lesson on occupations.
Q: What's the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.
Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)
Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
A: A sandwich.
Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.
A: There is a fan in every seat.
My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
Q: What has thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?
A: A pack of playing cards.
A: A pack of playing cards.
Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.
Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)
Q. What's a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.
A: A coin.
Q: What's got a wave but no sea?
A: My hair.
A: My hair.
Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.
Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?
A: Wherever he wants to.
A: Wherever he wants to.
Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!
Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
Re-worded by another teacher.
Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)
A: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?
B: "Wrong".
B: "Wrong".
Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
Q: What did the doughnut say to the loaf of bread?
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
Q: Why did the pony have a sore throat?
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)
Q: What did the undertaker die of?
A: Coughin' (coffin)
A: Coughin' (coffin)
Q: Why can't a nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
A: Because then it would be a foot.
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
A: A garbage truck.
Q: What has teeth but can't bite?
A: A Comb.
A: A Comb.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
A: To get to the other side.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide!
A: To get to the other slide!
Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can't see him today.
A: Tell him I can't see him today.
Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !
Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: They go to the mooovies!
A: They go to the mooovies!
Q: What animal is it that has four legs a tail and flies?
A: A dead horse!
A: A dead horse!
Q: Ten copycats were sitting in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None. They were all copycats.
A: None. They were all copycats.
Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?
A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.
Q: Why do cows have bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
This one may be difficult for some ESL students since it requires knowing the words "seagul", "bay" and "bagel"
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
Q: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn't even know sheep could knit!
Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.
A: Expla-nation.
Q: What's the most colorful state of U.S.A.?
A: Color-ado.
A: Color-ado.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ?
A: Unquestionablely!
A: Unquestionablely!
Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!
Q. Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
A. Because his keys were on the piano.
Q. Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
A. Because they batter fish, beat eggs, and whip cream.
Q. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?
A. The alpha-BAT.
Q. What did the ghost teacher say to his class?
A. "Look at the board and I'll go through it again!"
Q. Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
A. Because they wanted higher grades.
Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college?
A. Because it has a million degrees!
Q. Why did the student bring scissors to class?
A. He wanted to cut class!
Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).
Q. Why did the jellybean go to school?
A. To become a smartie!
Q. What is a math teacher's favourite dessert?
A. Pi!
Q. What object is king of the classroom?
A. The ruler!
Q. Why did Daniel go to the top of the school?
A. Because he wanted to go to high school.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. "I've got problems."
Q. What did the calculator say to the other calculator?
A. "You can count on me!"
Q. Why didn't the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?
A. Because he didn't want anything to slip his mind.
Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Q. Why did the new boy steal a chair from the classroom?
A. Because the teacher told him to take a seat.
Q. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
A. When it is read!
Q. Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
A. Times Square.
Posted by:Muhammad Osama and Musab Rasheed
